A dad's view on abortion

I AM A FATHER OF THREE children.  I have been a father for two decades.  I have an adult son, a teenager, and a child under the age of ten.  You could say I am all over the place with discussions, discipline, and fatherly advice.  I love my kids, and I'm proud of the life my wife and I have built together.  It has rarely been easy, and to say we were unprepared for the unexpected is an understatement.

Author note:  Abortion inflames emotions on both sides of the debate.  While I strongly encourage comments and debate, I ask you to please be respectful of each other in the comments.
   
     In the twenty years since the birth of my first child, my views on various topics have evolved. When I was young and single, my feelings toward abortion were nonexistent.  I felt I didn't have a dog in the fight, so I believed the debate was left to those who had skin in the game.  Everything changed the night of my son's birth.

The night I became a father

     He was an emergency Cesarean after a day of induced labor.  Before that day, I remember my wife being pregnant, and I remember the ultrasounds.  I remember the Lamaze classes we took.  Though the morning sickness, reduced bladder capacity, bizarre food cravings, and random mood swings made the concept of motherhood a reality to my wife, it didn't feel real to me--yet.  When I set my gaze upon my son, I knew my life would never be the same.  My wife lay on a surgical bed and heavily sedated.  I was sitting next to her left ear when the nurse put our son in my arms.
     "Hello, son," I began in breathless wonder, "I'm your father."

Everything changes tonight.

     My baby boy's eyes suddenly locked with mine.  Sure, they say babies can't see real well, but he must have recognized my voice, and his senses followed the sound he knew.  My wife had brief bouts of consciousness before she said our boy's name and finally fell into a deep, sedated sleep.  Our son had survived the distress, and had the lungs to let the world know he was alive (as I learned that first night in the hospital).

I was dead on my feet.

     I was ashamed of myself at how exhausted I was.  I had worked until midnight the night before, and we were at the hospital at six in the morning for an induced labor.  My son was born around eight that night.  Despite my fatigue, my wife was the one who did all the work, and she went through minor surgery to bring our son into the world.  That night, I slept in a recliner near our son, who slept in a clear tote on a high table as my wife writhed through the night and shifted between moments of clarity and deep sleep.  During that first night, nurses came in to check mother and baby's vital signs and observe me.  I wasn't sick, but the hospital had a policy to observe the father for violent, erratic, or dangerous behavior around their newborn children.  In the dim light of the room, under the hum of medical instruments and heart rate monitors, I stood over my sleeping son and vowed to be a father he would be proud of.

Abortion, guns, and fatherhood

     I heard the argument for years: If we outlaw abortion, then women will go to back alleys and get them. However, many people who say this believe outlawing guns will take guns off the streets.

     As a father, I don't like abortion, but I like guns. It sounds silly to pair them together, but you cannot defend yourself from an attacker with an abortion, but you can defend yourself from that attacker with a gun.  To me, the protection of my family is a primal instinct.  I'll give my last dying breath to safeguard my home from an attacker.  I don't relish the thought of hurting anyone, but I'm afraid reason would be suspended in the face of an aggressor.  

     I've watched surgeries on television.  Knee replacements, open-heart surgeries, bullet extractions, pin insertions compound fractures, toenail removals; the list goes on.  One medical procedure you never see on television is an abortion.   Have you ever wondered why?  Because an abortion is absolutely brutal to watch.  I'll spare you the details here, but you can find plenty of video and literary sources on this fine Internet.  As a man of honor and a father who respects life, the footage of an abortion sickens me.

     

Playtime.  It was the nineties--don't hate on the decorations (or clothing choices).

The same people who tell you abortions will happen in back alleys if abortions were outlawed are usually the first to tell you we need to outlaw guns to keep everyone safe.  By their logic, if back alley abortions happened in light of a ban on abortions, then wouldn't guns be sold in those same back alleys if guns were banned?  Their argument is severely flawed.

     Despite all of these facts, I don't believe we can outlaw abortion--nor should we; the argument is pointless and just frays nerves, relationships, and brings out the worst in people.  I don't believe anyone could outlaw guns (because only criminals would seek and possess guns--leaving us defenseless); again, the argument is pointless.  Abortion is nothing new; it's been around since ancient times in one capacity or another, and guns have been with America since before our founding.  Our nation was founded with the belief mankind has the right to be secure in their freedom.  Because we are governed by the Rule of Law, the right to self-defense is a necessity and legal.  However, one thing that has changed is the value of human life, but it is not a concept universally-shared in America.

We are fighting the wrong war  

     Unfortunately, human life is still trivialized among the pro-abortion crowd in a way that is very much like how a shooter feels about mowing down kids in a school. In both camps--the shooter and the capricious abortion-seeker have a low-regard for life.  However, if both the abortion-seeker and presumptive mass murderer examined the preciousness of the life they are affecting, then perhaps they would reconsider their intentions.  

     The argument made on the pro-abortion side is that because I'm a man, I should have no opinion and no voice in the matter. It's their [the abortion seeker] choice to get an abortion, and since I lack a uterus, I have no claim to change the laws.

Giving my son his first bath.  Right next to the dishes

     This is a form of virtue-signalling designed to suppress and shame abortion dissenters into submission.  As for fathers, we are failing our society because we are not sharing our life values with our kids.  The values we hold should be emulated in everything we do.  We don't have to preach our values to our kids, but we can share how we feel.  Instead of screaming about abortion, we need to change our language.  We should hold babies and change diapers rather than preach about abortion.  We should let our kids see us laugh at ourselves when a scoop of ice cream falls from the cone and lands in our laps.  Our daughters should witness us--their fathers--scrub the poop stains from a baby's onesie while we sing Twisted Sister songs.  In the quiet moments of the night, under starlit skies, they'll understand you when you tell them how precious they are.  When they become issue-obsessed teenagers, they'll remember your quiet strength and your love and values for life.  You've cultivated the soil and planted the seed.  They'll find value in it, too.  We reduce abortion by teaching the value of human life, and the responsibility to protect it on every front we can.  We lead by example and by living the honorable life.

Different issues with similar arguments

We were young and learning together.

     Let me try something:
It's my body--my choice.  You don't have a uterus, and you don't have to endure childbirth; you have no voice in this abortion debate.

     Now, try this:

They're my slaves--my choice.  You don't own slaves or a plantation, and you don't have to pay for housing and feeding them; you have no voice in this abolitionist debate.

     The same argument in support of abortion could be made for slavery in the nineteenth century. But it took white men who owned no slaves to fight in congress and on the battlefields to free the slaves. Did they have the right to do that, since they owned no slaves?

     Until we come to terms with the preciousness of human life as well as accept and understand the responsibilities of freedom, then we will never have the tranquility we so desire in our lives.  I do have a right to discuss the issue of abortion and voice how I feel about it.

• If you value life and freedom, then you don't hold slaves.
• If you drink alcohol, and value life, then you don't drive a car.
• If you have sex, and you value life, then you accept the consequences of the life you might create.
• If you have a gun, and you value life, then you are responsible as an owner and be judicious in your defense of yourself and others against hostiles.

     And you should be held responsible for any lives you destroy in any circumstance.

   

   
Be a good dad.  --The Atomic Father


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