Ken Gentner
I enlisted in the military almost immediately after graduating from high school. I was young, brash, and incredibly naïve about the world around me. My life experience was limited to a suburban neighborhood in northwestern Indiana. While I knew the military life would be a departure from what I knew, I could not fathom just how my life would change.
Truth be told, I was terrified—not just of the unknown, but of the world I knew I was getting into. I met people from different parts of America and from other parts of the world. I felt like I was always on-guard against the unexpected. Military training courses were long, and started too early for the comfort of most. I struggled every step of the way through training just like anyone. Nothing is easy in military training.
Eventually, after boot camp and the military police academy, I arrived at my first duty station. I was the first newcomer to my shift in a long time. I was the only person under the age of 21. This meant I went back to my barracks when the rest of my coworkers went out for a drink. Because of my youth and naiveté, I was an outsider from the start. In addition, I had a hard time adjusting to the military life. I had been in 9 months before my first blunder—I fell asleep on post and was caught by the big boss. Needless to say, I was in hot water. Thankfully, I was spared a court martial and was given a simple reprimand instead. While most would laugh-off a reprimand, I took it incredibly personal. I wasn’t even out of my teens, and I let my team down. I felt like an outsider before, but now I was an embarrassment to my team and was basically viewed as a troublemaker. What to do?
In short, I cried. I sat in my room and stared at my reprimand as it sat atop a series of notebooks I had cobbled together that contained disparate pieces of information and job knowledge. I felt like a failure, and I was alone in my troubles. While my fellow Airmen were part of an in-crowd and drank with the shift leaders, I was alone and excluded because of my age and my screw-ups. I felt like everyone was out to get me and waited for me to make another mistake so they could finally be rid of me. I didn’t want to quit, and I didn’t want to prove them right about me either. I felt like I was wasting my breath trying to convince people I was a good kid who wanted to do right. Was I wasting my time?
Yes. Yes, I was.
I spent that weekend poring over field manuals, instructions, and military customs and courtesies. I meticulously ironed my uniform and shined my boots to ensure I was ready for work the next week. I wasn’t going to tell people I wanted to improve—that would be a waste of time, and I didn’t want to endure the ridicule in my fragile mental state. Instead, I was going to show the world I was going to be a better Airman through deeds. I had nothing to lose except a bad reputation. I wasn't going to allow myself to be a victim anymore.
When you are in a difficult situation, you have many options. You can allow the situation to make you bitter and hostile, or you can rise above the fray. You may be surrounded by people who view you as an outsider or an unwelcome addition to their “tight knit” team. Forcing yourself into the “in crowd” is not the way to go, and neither is becoming everything they think you are. Don’t devalue yourself by shirking your duties or refusing to help others. You can build your credibility, even if you feel all alone. What it takes is a strong devotion to four key attributes: Able, Believable, Connected, and Dependability. These four elements create a strong alloy that cannot be destroyed easily, but they aren’t conjured immediately. Strap-in and prepare yourself for a long, uphill climb.
Next, you can’t make people believe in you by words, but you can earn their belief in you if you do what you say you will do. This means honoring a work commitment, doing the job right, and being accurate. Strive for perfection and make hard work your hallmark. People aren’t going to believe in your work until you demonstrate your abilities. This will come naturally through the product of your labors.
In the small hours of the early morning that followed, while looking into a tear-smeared reprimand, I had an awakening of sorts. Nobody was going to care about my words I thought. I have to prove myself through deeds—not words. I realized I could allow this reprimand to be the first page of a very short story in my failed military career, or I could use it as a turning point. Instead of resenting my leaders and colleagues for excluding me, I should shift focus to rebuild my efforts to become a better Airman. So, that’s what I did.
On my next duty day, everything was as it had been before—every coworker stood in cliques while I stood alone. During our inspection formation, I was called to the front to explain my actions from the previous week. I mustered my courage, and went to the front of the room. I looked at every face that stared back at me and said,
It was as simple as that. A few sergeants told me it took guts to admit my error; one said he would never have apologized for anything because he felt it made him look weak. I didn’t see it that way. I made an error in judgment, and I owned that mistake.
As the weeks wore on, I kept studying my job knowledge. You may wonder why this is important. I was a military policeman, and we were constantly quizzed on our job knowledge in both written form and verbally. A commander will routinely visit their troops and ask them job knowledge questions. It serves multiple purposes, but one of them is to determine mental sharpness. When you are standing outside in the night for hours on end guarding a piece of military machinery, the mind tends to dull from boredom. If an Airman can remain mentally tough and smartly answer job knowledge questions, he brings credit to himself and his shift. After all the mistakes I made, and the ridicule I endured, I needed to regain my self-respect and pride.
While no one admitted it directly, I started to shine. Eventually, my job knowledge and test scores were above the average; some still harbored a great deal of animosity for me, but I never let it bother me. I stayed the course, and embraced my obligations. I did it for me, but I wanted to prove myself that I was worth the time. Before I knew it, I was promoted ahead of my peers and was entrusted with responsibilities they were denied. My can-do attitude and willingness to work had defined me to where my name alone drew attention even from those who had never met me from other parts of my squadron. It didn’t happen overnight, but it did begin one night when I resolved to change the way people perceived me. I refused to accept the ridicule or the feelings of isolation any longer. I changed my attitude and fought my way to the top through a constant projection of professionalism that wasn’t just for show. I lived every bit of the core values of my job because I wanted to prove to myself I could make a difference and improve. My happiness and job satisfaction swelled. I realized how confidence and a positive attitude made work easier. While my former tormentors appeared bitter, I think they grew to respect me despite their own turmoil.
First, knowing your job and being able to do it goes a long way. Sure, you could tell your boss that you know your job, but that isn’t the same as demonstrating the ability to do it, is it? Of course not. Americans are skeptical of a politician who says “trust me”, and your boss will have the same skepticism of you for the same reason. Go out and do your job. Learn every aspect of your job. Study checklists, safety data sheets, operations manuals, and inspection reports. You can gain knowledge, but you must also gain experience. You cannot be afraid to make mistakes so long as you learn from the mistakes you make.
Connectedness is tough at this stage when you’re the outsider. How do you connect with people who disregard you? Well, like believability, you won’t build strong connections right away. However, when presenting your work or discussing a task, you should be poised and ready to answer questions or facilitate the understanding of those around you. If your coworkers do not understand something, take the time to explain it to them. Your professionalism and approachability will take down more defenses than you realize. People will enjoy interacting with you, and their newfound appreciation for talking with you will spontaneously generate. They won’t know what hit them.
Finally, dependability in the job means being the person your coworkers can depend on for answers. In addition, your dependability is what your boss is looking for. If you can be depended upon to get things done, people tend to give you the latitude and autonomy to work without being micromanaged or harassed. If you are known for producing high-quality work, you are looked upon as an asset. Dependability brings opportunities for promotion and praise. If you want to be respected, you must be dependable. This is not self-serving or petty, but this is how standards are set and goals are surpassed.
Able, believable, connected, and dependable—stop fighting against your own frustrations of being an outsider and start building your own credibility on the job. You are not alone out there. If no one is willing to help you, start by helping yourself.
Truth be told, I was terrified—not just of the unknown, but of the world I knew I was getting into. I met people from different parts of America and from other parts of the world. I felt like I was always on-guard against the unexpected. Military training courses were long, and started too early for the comfort of most. I struggled every step of the way through training just like anyone. Nothing is easy in military training.
Eventually, after boot camp and the military police academy, I arrived at my first duty station. I was the first newcomer to my shift in a long time. I was the only person under the age of 21. This meant I went back to my barracks when the rest of my coworkers went out for a drink. Because of my youth and naiveté, I was an outsider from the start. In addition, I had a hard time adjusting to the military life. I had been in 9 months before my first blunder—I fell asleep on post and was caught by the big boss. Needless to say, I was in hot water. Thankfully, I was spared a court martial and was given a simple reprimand instead. While most would laugh-off a reprimand, I took it incredibly personal. I wasn’t even out of my teens, and I let my team down. I felt like an outsider before, but now I was an embarrassment to my team and was basically viewed as a troublemaker. What to do?
In short, I cried. I sat in my room and stared at my reprimand as it sat atop a series of notebooks I had cobbled together that contained disparate pieces of information and job knowledge. I felt like a failure, and I was alone in my troubles. While my fellow Airmen were part of an in-crowd and drank with the shift leaders, I was alone and excluded because of my age and my screw-ups. I felt like everyone was out to get me and waited for me to make another mistake so they could finally be rid of me. I didn’t want to quit, and I didn’t want to prove them right about me either. I felt like I was wasting my breath trying to convince people I was a good kid who wanted to do right. Was I wasting my time?
Yes. Yes, I was.
I spent that weekend poring over field manuals, instructions, and military customs and courtesies. I meticulously ironed my uniform and shined my boots to ensure I was ready for work the next week. I wasn’t going to tell people I wanted to improve—that would be a waste of time, and I didn’t want to endure the ridicule in my fragile mental state. Instead, I was going to show the world I was going to be a better Airman through deeds. I had nothing to lose except a bad reputation. I wasn't going to allow myself to be a victim anymore.
When you are in a difficult situation, you have many options. You can allow the situation to make you bitter and hostile, or you can rise above the fray. You may be surrounded by people who view you as an outsider or an unwelcome addition to their “tight knit” team. Forcing yourself into the “in crowd” is not the way to go, and neither is becoming everything they think you are. Don’t devalue yourself by shirking your duties or refusing to help others. You can build your credibility, even if you feel all alone. What it takes is a strong devotion to four key attributes: Able, Believable, Connected, and Dependability. These four elements create a strong alloy that cannot be destroyed easily, but they aren’t conjured immediately. Strap-in and prepare yourself for a long, uphill climb.
Next, you can’t make people believe in you by words, but you can earn their belief in you if you do what you say you will do. This means honoring a work commitment, doing the job right, and being accurate. Strive for perfection and make hard work your hallmark. People aren’t going to believe in your work until you demonstrate your abilities. This will come naturally through the product of your labors.
In the small hours of the early morning that followed, while looking into a tear-smeared reprimand, I had an awakening of sorts. Nobody was going to care about my words I thought. I have to prove myself through deeds—not words. I realized I could allow this reprimand to be the first page of a very short story in my failed military career, or I could use it as a turning point. Instead of resenting my leaders and colleagues for excluding me, I should shift focus to rebuild my efforts to become a better Airman. So, that’s what I did.
On my next duty day, everything was as it had been before—every coworker stood in cliques while I stood alone. During our inspection formation, I was called to the front to explain my actions from the previous week. I mustered my courage, and went to the front of the room. I looked at every face that stared back at me and said,
"I wanted to apologize to everyone for my dereliction last week. I make no excuses for my behavior, and I will not let it happen again."
It was as simple as that. A few sergeants told me it took guts to admit my error; one said he would never have apologized for anything because he felt it made him look weak. I didn’t see it that way. I made an error in judgment, and I owned that mistake.
As the weeks wore on, I kept studying my job knowledge. You may wonder why this is important. I was a military policeman, and we were constantly quizzed on our job knowledge in both written form and verbally. A commander will routinely visit their troops and ask them job knowledge questions. It serves multiple purposes, but one of them is to determine mental sharpness. When you are standing outside in the night for hours on end guarding a piece of military machinery, the mind tends to dull from boredom. If an Airman can remain mentally tough and smartly answer job knowledge questions, he brings credit to himself and his shift. After all the mistakes I made, and the ridicule I endured, I needed to regain my self-respect and pride.
While no one admitted it directly, I started to shine. Eventually, my job knowledge and test scores were above the average; some still harbored a great deal of animosity for me, but I never let it bother me. I stayed the course, and embraced my obligations. I did it for me, but I wanted to prove myself that I was worth the time. Before I knew it, I was promoted ahead of my peers and was entrusted with responsibilities they were denied. My can-do attitude and willingness to work had defined me to where my name alone drew attention even from those who had never met me from other parts of my squadron. It didn’t happen overnight, but it did begin one night when I resolved to change the way people perceived me. I refused to accept the ridicule or the feelings of isolation any longer. I changed my attitude and fought my way to the top through a constant projection of professionalism that wasn’t just for show. I lived every bit of the core values of my job because I wanted to prove to myself I could make a difference and improve. My happiness and job satisfaction swelled. I realized how confidence and a positive attitude made work easier. While my former tormentors appeared bitter, I think they grew to respect me despite their own turmoil.
First, knowing your job and being able to do it goes a long way. Sure, you could tell your boss that you know your job, but that isn’t the same as demonstrating the ability to do it, is it? Of course not. Americans are skeptical of a politician who says “trust me”, and your boss will have the same skepticism of you for the same reason. Go out and do your job. Learn every aspect of your job. Study checklists, safety data sheets, operations manuals, and inspection reports. You can gain knowledge, but you must also gain experience. You cannot be afraid to make mistakes so long as you learn from the mistakes you make.
Connectedness is tough at this stage when you’re the outsider. How do you connect with people who disregard you? Well, like believability, you won’t build strong connections right away. However, when presenting your work or discussing a task, you should be poised and ready to answer questions or facilitate the understanding of those around you. If your coworkers do not understand something, take the time to explain it to them. Your professionalism and approachability will take down more defenses than you realize. People will enjoy interacting with you, and their newfound appreciation for talking with you will spontaneously generate. They won’t know what hit them.
Finally, dependability in the job means being the person your coworkers can depend on for answers. In addition, your dependability is what your boss is looking for. If you can be depended upon to get things done, people tend to give you the latitude and autonomy to work without being micromanaged or harassed. If you are known for producing high-quality work, you are looked upon as an asset. Dependability brings opportunities for promotion and praise. If you want to be respected, you must be dependable. This is not self-serving or petty, but this is how standards are set and goals are surpassed.
Able, believable, connected, and dependable—stop fighting against your own frustrations of being an outsider and start building your own credibility on the job. You are not alone out there. If no one is willing to help you, start by helping yourself.
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